Don't know what to do

xcores · Post by **xcores** » Mon Feb 26, 2024 10:46 am

Well I know this is not a talk about your feelings and problems forum, but I don't know where or to whom I shoul reach out to, and since you all guys have the same fetish you have some insight in my issue.

I've had a shoefetish as long as I can remember, started at 4-5 years old. I've been married to my wife for 4 years now and our sexlife isn't really working atm. and hasn't been for the last 1-2 years. We never done anything more "extra" than used some toys (for her) but otherwise it's quite vanilla. I would love to involve my shoefetish with her and in our sexlife but for her it's like not a chanse. She says she is uncomfortable with it, doesn't understand it (even tho I've explained it from different angels and situations) and she feels that I would in that case be more turned on by the shoes and not her. Even tho that is true since it's a fetish I've tried to tell her that it is her using high heels or boots that gets me horny, but that doesn't matter.

I do love her and she is my best friend but I really don't know what to do. I continue to indulge in my fetish without her and I've even tried to ignore it, "get rid of it" but it doesn't.

Net King · Post by **Net King** » Mon Feb 26, 2024 2:36 pm

xcores wrote: ↑Mon Feb 26, 2024 10:46 am .....
I do love her and she is my best friend but I really don't know what to do. I continue to indulge in my fetish without her and I've even tried to ignore it, "get rid of it" but it doesn't.

It seems I am a bit luckier than you are and my partner sometimes grudgingly helps indulge in my fetish. She is not keen on ordinary sex so would rather satisfy my fetish desires rather than have sex just to please me. I once asked her if she felt it was inappropriate or wrong and she said she could not see any harm with it. I asked her if she enjoys it but she either does not particularly enjoy it or she does not want to admit it.
"She feels that I would in that case be more turned on by the shoes and not her" - this is the most important consideration, you must work hard to love and admire her and just not her shoes etc. So perhaps work on that first so you are both turned on by love and affection of each other. Perhaps then try the approach that while you quite understand how she has little desire for sex, she can still help you by helping to fulfill your desires. This must be an adjunct to your love life, not the whole of your love life. If I were in her shoes I would play hard to get and would want you to work hard to earn my favors.
Hope this helps. It is the best I can think of.

Victoria_moe · Post by **Victoria_moe** » Mon Feb 26, 2024 7:31 pm

Some people are just plain when it comes to sex, for many reasons, guess there's a deeper issue at hand as to why she doesn't want to engage or try anything different. Love is about sacrsfice I guess. You do things she likes and in return, she'll do things you like, even if she doesn't quite enjoy it. She will do it cos you enjoy it. Maybe

xcores · Post by **xcores** » Mon Feb 26, 2024 10:39 pm

Thank you both for your answers.
I havent brought up about my fetish desires in years she just knows I have it, I do try to just focus on her and her needs and love her for what she is and who she is, I mean that is what love is. She does also love me and look out for my need but not when it comes to this.
I was hoping things would change a bit to it’s better in some years but it hasn’t, quite the opposit.

freestyler7 · Post by **freestyler7** » Tue Feb 27, 2024 5:08 am

This is so strange - based on what you wrote, you are putting all the necessary effort in you relationship and even more ...
In your described situation I would ask myself - does she truly love me?
What would it do to her to put on some sexy shoes and let you play. There is no harm in this play. No pain, no humiliation fo her. If she would agree the outcome would be just more happy and grateful you.

Idk if my strategy would work for you, because I am always starting with it at the beginning of the new reationship. I massege the girls feet. I buy her new sexy heels and shoes. After a while I explain myself and my fetish. So far succeeded three time in getting a girl into the hobby ...
Maybe I am just lucky. Maybe girls are more open about sex and all its possible forms in my nonreligious region. Idk. It just works ...

Did you try to make your fetish into her pleasure? I mean win-win like you give shoejob and I take you to heaven by ... ehatever she likes?

xcores · Post by **xcores** » Tue Feb 27, 2024 5:55 am

Well it's not that simple buddy. I have thought the same tho myself that if it's truly love but then again I can't ask her to do things she is uncomfortable with.

Victoria_moe · Post by **Victoria_moe** » Tue Feb 27, 2024 12:01 pm

freestyler7 wrote: ↑Tue Feb 27, 2024 5:08 am This is so strange - based on what you wrote, you are putting all the necessary effort in you relationship and even more ...
In your described situation I would ask myself - does she truly love me?
What would it do to her to put on some sexy shoes and let you play. There is no harm in this play. No pain, no humiliation fo her. If she would agree the outcome would be just more happy and grateful you.

Idk if my strategy would work for you, because I am always starting with it at the beginning of the new reationship. I massege the girls feet. I buy her new sexy heels and shoes. After a while I explain myself and my fetish. So far succeeded three time in getting a girl into the hobby ...
Maybe I am just lucky. Maybe girls are more open about sex and all its possible forms in my nonreligious region. Idk. It just works ...

Did you try to make your fetish into her pleasure? I mean win-win like you give shoejob and I take you to heaven by ... ehatever she likes?

For a lot of people, love and sex are sperated, yes, you'd have sex with those who you love, but sex is not everything, she can still love him with everything but just not be that interested in sex. it happens

freestyler7 · Post by **freestyler7** » Thu Feb 29, 2024 9:48 am

Victoria_moe wrote: ↑Tue Feb 27, 2024 12:01 pm
freestyler7 wrote: ↑Tue Feb 27, 2024 5:08 am This is so strange - based on what you wrote, you are putting all the necessary effort in you relationship and even more ...
In your described situation I would ask myself - does she truly love me?
What would it do to her to put on some sexy shoes and let you play. There is no harm in this play. No pain, no humiliation fo her. If she would agree the outcome would be just more happy and grateful you.

Idk if my strategy would work for you, because I am always starting with it at the beginning of the new reationship. I massege the girls feet. I buy her new sexy heels and shoes. After a while I explain myself and my fetish. So far succeeded three time in getting a girl into the hobby ...
Maybe I am just lucky. Maybe girls are more open about sex and all its possible forms in my nonreligious region. Idk. It just works ...

Did you try to make your fetish into her pleasure? I mean win-win like you give shoejob and I take you to heaven by ... ehatever she likes?
For a lot of people, love and sex are sperated, yes, you'd have sex with those who you love, but sex is not everything, she can still love him with everything but just not be that interested in sex. it happens

Yes and no.
I agree in that part of asking, forcing into something. However: Do I trully love someone if I do not accept all his personality including his deepest desires => fetishes?
Imho not. Especially if the desire is basically harmless ...

Understood that this is a very individualistic matter.

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